Rantligious Zealot
I pretty much have at least one fundamental problem with every religion of the world. Except, of course, for the Jews.
Really, when you think about it, the Jews are fun to make fun of as an ethnicity, much like I'd make fun of black people for wearing their hats the wrong way, or the way I'd make fun of Asians for not being able to drive, or the way I'd make fun of white people for being racially insensitive bigots. However, I really can't complain about their religion.
When it comes down to it, the Jewish religion just makes sense. Sure they've got some interesting rules, like no meat and dairy, but the Christians have far weirder food rules. (No meat on Fridays? So God is okay with you eating meat whenever you want, but HOLY SHIT, Fridays are OFF LIMITS! Friday is, apparently, the day God goes to McDonalds.) But other than some specific dogmatic regulations, the Jew's religion is pretty clear cut:
The Torah: Abridged
God came to earth and created Man. But man was whiny and annoying, so he flooded their sorry asses. Then he waited around, killing them for sport, and got bored and went away. He still gets pissed when you do wrong stuff, but he will forgive you, unless you're Hitler.
This seems pretty logical if you're into believing in something. I mean, at least compared to some other religions.
Now, before I go on, I should mention that I hold no ill-will against any religion, be it Muslim...
The Quran Abridged
We believe that this one totally pimp-ass dude who slaughtered villagers for sport was a prophit from God... Well, if you look at all the other shit he did, that kinda makes sense, doesn't it? Fuck you JIHAD!
... or Mormonism...
The Book Of Mormon: Abridged
Our prophet suffered from short-term memory loss, so we kinda have two books which are fairly similar in message. Also, we don't drink Coke-Cola.
... or Scientology...
A Space Opera: Abridged
An Alien dumped thetans into a volcano, and then detonated some Hydrogen Bombs, so now we have to clear ourselves of the thetans to be happy... and we should probably be charged extraordinary amounts to measure ourselves in this quest.
...or even Christianity.
The New Testament: Abridged
There was this kid whose mother was a virgin (cough... cough...), but he had severe schizophrenia and thought he was three different entities... but not just three PEOPLE, one of them was the creator of all existance, who just happened to be another one of his persona's father, another was a Jew, and the third was a ghost who lived inside all of us. After he died, he became a Zombie... and that's why we worship him... that motherfucker is SCARY!
I mean, come on, at least those who practice Voodoo have some proof of zombification... well, rather they practice zombification by drugging you until you're almost dead, and then injecting you with meth so you come back to life until, of course, it wears off, at which point you die again. Now there's a religion I can get behind. Its kind of like college.
