The Medical Genius and his Lovely Assistant
People get a lot of good ideas in the shower. I don't understand this. When I'm in the shower my brain has only one function, getting me out again. When you go into the shower it is early in the morning, your brain should be active only on a technicality (well, with most of us, it’s only on technicality that we're even considered "Intelligent Beings"). How some people have amazing ideas in the shower baffles me.
When I get ideas, it’s usually while I'm at work or school. This is because while at work or school I have nothing better to think about. Anyway, last week in school I had a fantastic revelation! I have discovered a sure-fire way to bring people back from Comas. Not all people, mind you, just middle-aged men.
You may ask, "Zach how is it possible that somebody with no medical credentials, or even any knowledge of medical fields could create a way to bring people back from comas?" My answer would simply be, "I watched ER last night." But I would be lying, of course. ER lost its luster years ago.
My method is far simpler than anything you would find on needlessly complicated medical shows anyway. The way I see it, a coma is just a deep sleep. If there’s one thing I know about middle-aged men and deep sleep, it’s that usually middle-aged men fall into a deep sleep on the couch in front of golf. How can you wake up a man who has fallen asleep watching golf? Simple, change the channel. The second the channel has been changed, no matter how long the man has been sleeping, or how boring the show is, the man will instantly wake up and bark "I was watching that!"
So, simply put, we can bring middle-aged men out of comas by putting a T.V. showing golf at the end of their bed. After an hour or so, have a young child or the man's wife come in and change the channel. It makes no difference how many years the man has been in the coma, he will instantly sit up and yell "I was watching that!" A happy ending for all, except the coma patient, who has had the misfortune of missing a crucial put.
