Socc (It To) 'Er
Some of my readers may be aware that outside of Baseball, Basketball, and Football there are other sports. I am almost entirely unclear as to how any of these sports are played, but I assume they all involve passing a thing across a thing to try and score a thing.
Of course, every once in a while there's this surge in interest for a sport called "Soccer" which Europeans call "Football" because they desperately want a sport as cool as what Americans call "Football." Of course, they're far too skittish to play such a manly sport, so instead they just kick a ball around and pretend to fall down a lot. Its a lot like a gang war between the Sharks and the Jets.
So every four years or so, Americans suddenly become excited because there's this thing called the World Cup which, despite my evil plan to steal it, was not actually a chalice large enough to hold the entire world. Its actually a stupid trophy they give out in Soccer.
Now, here's the part of the story which has shocked and entirely confounded me. On top of regular Soccer, there's also something called "Women's Soccer" which, judging by the North Korean team, is played mostly by little boys.
This year, apparently, America has made it farther than usual into "Women's Soccer" which is surprising since I thought most American little boys were too busy playing Football, Baseball, Basketball, or Call of Duty: Black Ops to play Soccer.
A lot of American's are proud of their team, but foreigners are just as confused as I am. One foreigner, who I swear I am not making up, went as far as to say "They're gonna party like its 1999." Not only does this show that foreigners have an incredibly out-of-date view on American pop culture, but it also shows that most of them are actually unaware of what year it is due to too much drinking and soccering.
All I have to say is what happens when our team comes home? What does SportSCenter do? I'd personally love to see that interview:
John Anderson: So, how does it feel to be so accomplished in something that nobody in the country actually cares about?
Little Boy: It feels great. This is just like the time I was the best player of the week on Call of Duty: Black Ops!
John Anderson: You made it look so easy out there… (or at least I assume you did. I really couldn't give a flying frack about Soccer, so I was busy watching other sports)… how did you get so good at Soccer?
Little Boy: I have mad Hax0r skills!
John Anderson: And what are you going to do next?
Little Boy: Well, I would go to Disney World, but playing soccer really isn't that profitable in America, so instead I think I'm gonna go get some ice cream.
John Anderson: I'm surprised you can afford that!
Little Boy: I've saved up a couple week's allowance. By the way, can you give me a ride home?
John Anderson: No.
Announcer: SportsCenter- Where closeted homosexuals spend time pretending to be straight!